I Think I Broke It.

More accurately, I think it was broken on my watch. I think it's probably very natural for artists/writers/musicians/whatever to feel like they sometimes have totally fucking lost it. By "it", I don't mean their minds (although yes, maybe that, too), I mean "it", like the thing that makes them creative in the first place. So what is "it" in this case? I think I broke my poetry. More accurately, I think it was broken on my watch.

I always feel like...

there are two uncomfortably coexisting sides to me. While my heart suffers the day-to-day, my mind paces back and forth about all of the heart's decisions. At the end of the day, the mind beats the heart more savagely than any and all outside influences combined and makes up for it with a poem or two. The heart likes poetry. It makes it feel like the mind is putting all of the turmoil to good use and the brain pats itself on the wrinkled back for a job well done. Poetry keeps everything together. It makes sense of everything. It is not good when poetry breaks.

This is what broken poetry looks like.

It's a blank prompt. Blinking. Waiting. Doomed to remain unchanged. When I close out, it doesn't ask me if I want to save my changes because I haven't made any. It fades out of view and I am left with a seeping mind and a heart who finally understands the color purple. The actual color. Not the movie. Stick with me, people.

 

Recently, I've begun to hear an echo. Given how long it's taken for it to come back, I can only assume that the depths of my madness are greater than I had originally anticipated. Still. This is encouraging. I held another's hand at the mouth of a black hole, and together, we screamed Love into it. And now. Nearly 5 years later. I think I'm starting to hear the echo. 

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Comments: 7
  • #1

    Jerk In The Box (Friday, 21 August 2015)

    Maybe you're just happy.

  • #2

    Bort (Friday, 21 August 2015 14:22)

    Maybe. I think I'm dumb :)

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