Radio Silence

To say that I've gone off the grid is sort of silly. I am still dutifully present at all the places that matter - my job, my home, my local Jack in the Box - so the only real disappearance has been with this thing that I disappear from often enough to discount my current disappearance.

I am currently out of love with writing.

Nothing new there. We have our fights over who got home late and who was texting who at whatever unreasonable hour. I swear that I am done with that finicky bitch Writing and then it sends me some dirty limericks and we resume our match in a gas tank affair. This is just the way it goes.

I fear that, one day, it'll really be gone for good.

I have a bad habit of taking things for granted. Abilities. Friendships. Family. They seem like such sure things to me that I often don't realize how important they are until I am forced to weather what is known as Radio Silence. It's when neither myself or who/whatever is allowed to communicate with one another. It isn't to say that we don't want to communicate. Sure we Want to. We just can't. Premature communication could mean certain death, so the Radio Silence carries on for indeterminate amounts of time. Weeks. Months. Years. But even at the longest stretch of necessary static, these things have always come back to me. I am old enough to know that there are only 3 certain things in life: 

1: Things change/nothing lasts forever.

2: One day, I am going to die.

3: No one on earth will ever love me as much as my mom does.

(That last one doesn't apply to mankind and I do not take that fact for granted)

I honestly don't know what I would do if I lost something/someone for good. In my 27 years, I have not yet had to endure a meaningful death in the family (which is to say, anyone who was close to me). I can still play music. I can still write, albeit not right now. I haven't really lost anything I genuinely lamented losing. This is why the first Certainty frightens me. 

So then, to what and whom I am currently enduring Radio Silence with,

I'm sorry. I love you. And I miss you.